


Sex and the Single Goldfish

by unveiled



Series: Crackfic Bingo [2]
Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Animals, Crack, Humor, Jealousy, M/M, Unrequited Love, goldfish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-23
Updated: 2012-08-23
Packaged: 2017-11-12 17:16:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/493725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unveiled/pseuds/unveiled
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik is not a social animal. He is, however, a goldfish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex and the Single Goldfish

**Author's Note:**

> Second fic for [Crackfic Bingo](http://thoughtsnotunveiled.tumblr.com/tagged/crackfic-bingo): always-an-animal!AU (my entire card is [here](http://unveiled.dreamwidth.org/9696.html)), originally posted [at my Tumblr](http://thoughtsnotunveiled.tumblr.com/post/29169347760/crackfic-bingo-sex-and-the-single-goldfish). Yes, I wrote goldfish!Erik. I don't even know, you guys.
> 
> The picture below is from goldfish.ornamental-fishes.com.

  


Contrary to popular belief, a goldfish had a memory span of about three months. Erik was proud of his brain. He was also proud of his sharply-defined caudal fin, perfect for a Shubunkin Goldfish, and the mottled blue, black and red of his calico colouring. Though, really, it was the brain that mattered most: Erik could recognise his human's voice, even tell apart the brown-pale-multicoloured creature who was Charles from other creatures. Which was more than what his erstwhile tankmate ever managed.

"Raven, please, I _do_ know how to do research. Everything I read indicated that goldfish are social animals," Charles said, leaning close to the aquarium and peering at Erik, who preened under his gaze. "But this is the third tankmate he's chased away in as many weeks."

"Jeez, Charles, stop fretting. Maybe he just doesn't share well."

Erik recognised the bright-pale creature as Charles's spawn-sibling. He's not sure how he felt about her, but she always gave him shrimp when she came over. It was both welcome and suspicious all at once.

"Well, I suppose at least he hasn't driven the third one into committing suicide," Charles sigh.

Raven stared at Erik, who stared back through the glass. "... wait. You're actually serious."

"Cross my heart. That's the only possible explanation why poor Sebastian leaped out from the tank. I nearly ran over him with my wheelchair — though it wouldn't have mattered, as he was already dead."

"Right," Raven said, drawing out the vowel. "Okay, I'll take the other fish with me. Maybe Armando and Alex could do with a pet."

Charles laughed. Erik liked the sound.

"Are they still suffering through the empty nest syndrome?"

"Like you wouldn't believe. I swear, they're actually hoping that Scott would call crying from college and beg to come home."

Erik watched until Charles disappeared, then swam a loop around his aquarium, now free of inferior creatures. He didn't know why Charles insisted on placing other fish in with him — he was perfectly happy with just Charles and an empty tank for company. Charles was a good caretaker: he gave Erik just the right amount of protein and greens, and was conscientious about cleaning the tank.

Except that one time Charles forgot, because some undeserving human distracted him with their filthy attention. Right in front of his aquarium, to add to the outrage. Erik swished his tail angrily. He took care of _that_ soon enough.

The latest blob-creature who came around occasionally was proving to be persistent, though. Utterly unbearable, that Charles couldn't see reason and realise that he was meant to be at Erik's side and no one else's. Erik nibbled thoughtfully on a plant, considering a list of carefully-detailed schemes in his head.

Time for Plan B, and he knew exactly how to lure the creature close enough to the water.


End file.
